"Sauron applies for his job", by Himring
Apr. 15th, 2014 11:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hhimring posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
lotrchallengesAuthor: Himring
Title: Sauron applies for his job
Rating: PG
Theme: "Laugh!" (funny poetry)
Elements: commendable/dependable
Author's Notes: Not entirely in verse. Sorry! (Also warnings for every kind of anachronism.)
Summary: Before the throne of Angband, Sauron makes his application for the job of lieutenant to Morgoth, the Dark Lord. For reasons unknown and unexplained (possibly just to make things appropriately hellishly difficult) the application has to be made in rhyme...
Word Count: 165 words
Sauron took a deep breath and began:
‘I’m able
and I’m capable.
My filing is impeccable.
I’m utterly dependable,
my loyalty unshakeable.’
‘Admirable, commendable’, muttered Morgoth politely and yawned discreetly into his smoking black palm.
Sauron gulped and continued, rather desperately:
‘I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…’
‘Now we’re getting somewhere’, said Morgoth and sat up straighter on his Dark Throne. ‘What about your private life, your hobbies and so on?’
Sauron panicked, as he hadn’t expected the question, and sputtered:
‘I have a thing
for bling,
any sparkly things,
mostly rings…
I do cosplay and LARPing.
You haven’t seen anything
till you’ve seen my vampire bat, blood dripping…’
‘A Maia after my own heart,’ cried out Morgoth enthusiastically, jumped from the Dark Throne and enfolded Sauron in a fana-crushing hug.
In a small voice, Sauron admitted:
‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’
Title: Sauron applies for his job
Rating: PG
Theme: "Laugh!" (funny poetry)
Elements: commendable/dependable
Author's Notes: Not entirely in verse. Sorry! (Also warnings for every kind of anachronism.)
Summary: Before the throne of Angband, Sauron makes his application for the job of lieutenant to Morgoth, the Dark Lord. For reasons unknown and unexplained (possibly just to make things appropriately hellishly difficult) the application has to be made in rhyme...
Word Count: 165 words
Sauron took a deep breath and began:
‘I’m able
and I’m capable.
My filing is impeccable.
I’m utterly dependable,
my loyalty unshakeable.’
‘Admirable, commendable’, muttered Morgoth politely and yawned discreetly into his smoking black palm.
Sauron gulped and continued, rather desperately:
‘I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…’
‘Now we’re getting somewhere’, said Morgoth and sat up straighter on his Dark Throne. ‘What about your private life, your hobbies and so on?’
Sauron panicked, as he hadn’t expected the question, and sputtered:
‘I have a thing
for bling,
any sparkly things,
mostly rings…
I do cosplay and LARPing.
You haven’t seen anything
till you’ve seen my vampire bat, blood dripping…’
‘A Maia after my own heart,’ cried out Morgoth enthusiastically, jumped from the Dark Throne and enfolded Sauron in a fana-crushing hug.
In a small voice, Sauron admitted:
‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 02:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:18 pm (UTC)The ending is a terrible anachronism, of course, but I couldn't resist it.
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 03:24 am (UTC)I do cosplay and LARPing.
What an image! *imagines Sauron at a con in his Loki costume*
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:19 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 04:27 am (UTC)‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’
*inordinately amused*
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:22 pm (UTC)I was thinking of you, of course--this being the first time I've written about Sauron--and was hoping you might find something to enjoy in it.
no subject
Date: 2014-04-25 01:02 am (UTC)‘I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…’
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 07:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 02:52 pm (UTC)- Erulisse (one L)
no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 11:24 pm (UTC)Thank you very much, Erulisse!
no subject
Date: 2014-04-25 01:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-26 09:22 am (UTC)Sauron's having a few sticky moments here, but in the end his efforts are crowned by success!
no subject
Date: 2014-04-25 07:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-26 09:27 am (UTC)We are told there wasn't much uptake of the Black Speech in general use, you know, so maybe that wasn't its real purpose even to begin with...
no subject
Date: 2014-04-25 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-26 09:31 am (UTC)Yes, in a Disney movie Sauron's lines would be sung, I guess--and probably very quickly, especially towards the end!
no subject
Date: 2014-04-25 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-26 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-01 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-30 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-01 08:14 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!