hhimring: (Tolkien)
[personal profile] hhimring posting in [community profile] lotrchallenges
Author: Himring

Title: Sauron applies for his job

Rating: PG

Theme: "Laugh!" (funny poetry)

Elements: commendable/dependable

Author's Notes: Not entirely in verse. Sorry! (Also warnings for every kind of anachronism.)

Summary: Before the throne of Angband, Sauron makes his application for the job of lieutenant to Morgoth, the Dark Lord. For reasons unknown and unexplained (possibly just to make things appropriately hellishly difficult) the application has to be made in rhyme...

Word Count: 165 words



Sauron took a deep breath and began:
I’m able
and I’m capable.
My filing is impeccable.
I’m utterly dependable,
my loyalty unshakeable.
Admirable, commendable’, muttered Morgoth politely and yawned discreetly into his smoking black palm.

Sauron gulped and continued, rather desperately:
I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…
‘Now we’re getting somewhere’, said Morgoth and sat up straighter on his Dark Throne. ‘What about your private life, your hobbies and so on?’

Sauron panicked, as he hadn’t expected the question, and sputtered:
I have a thing
for bling,
any sparkly things,
mostly rings…
I do cosplay and LARPing.
You haven’t seen anything
till you’ve seen my vampire bat, blood dripping…
‘A Maia after my own heart,’ cried out Morgoth enthusiastically, jumped from the Dark Throne and enfolded Sauron in a fana-crushing hug.

In a small voice, Sauron admitted:
‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’

Date: 2014-04-24 02:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baranduin.livejournal.com
Ih that was so clever! And with the perfect ending.

Date: 2014-04-24 03:24 am (UTC)
dreamflower: gandalf at bag end (Default)
From: [personal profile] dreamflower
BWAHAHAHA! Oh mercy me!

I do cosplay and LARPing.

What an image! *imagines Sauron at a con in his Loki costume*

Date: 2014-04-24 03:37 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-04-24 04:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] huinare.livejournal.com
Ahaha!

‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’

*inordinately amused*

Date: 2014-04-25 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] huinare.livejournal.com
=D There were quite a few responses to this challenge that drew me forth from my lair to comment. Also, I got a kick out of this part:
‘I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…’

Date: 2014-04-24 07:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] clodia-metelli.livejournal.com
This is fantastic. <3

Date: 2014-04-24 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] engarian.livejournal.com
I can just see Sauron doing cosplay! Great!

- Erulisse (one L)

Date: 2014-04-25 01:11 am (UTC)
moetushie: Beaton cartoon - a sexy revolution. (Default)
From: [personal profile] moetushie
Bravo, Sauron, bravo!

Date: 2014-04-25 07:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blslarner.livejournal.com
Oh, yes, this has me chortling! Love it! And that's how the Dark Speech got started, eh? Delightful!

Date: 2014-04-25 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] petite-dilly.livejournal.com
Mwah ah ah, it could be a scene from a disney movie !

Date: 2014-04-25 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marta-bee.livejournal.com
Oh, that was gloriously done. It reminds me vaguely of something you'd see in "South Pacific" or some such. For me that actually is a compliment...

Date: 2014-04-30 05:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] virtuella.livejournal.com
Love it! Very funny!

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